When Leadership Becomes a Mirror: Choosing Calm Over Chaos

I’ve always believed that work teaches us as much about people as it does about performance. No matter the title or industry, we’re constantly learning how to collaborate, communicate, and coexist, especially when pressure is high and emotions run deep.

Recently, I found myself navigating a stretch of chaos that tested every ounce of patience I’ve built over two decades in the creative and experiential world. You know those days when everything that could go wrong, somehow does? When miscommunication snowballs into unnecessary conflict, and you’re left wondering, How did we get here?

What stood out most to me wasn’t the situation itself, it was the behavior surrounding it. The way people reacted, assigned blame, and scrambled for control. What fascinated me (and honestly, frustrated me) was watching how quickly some leaders become the very thing they criticized.

You’ll hear people talk about “bad leadership” all the time; micromanagers, ego-driven decision-makers, those who lead through fear instead of inspiration. But what happens when we’re so close to that energy for so long that we start to mirror it ourselves? Sometimes unintentionally. Sometimes just to survive.

I’ve seen it firsthand: good people adopting the habits of the leaders they once couldn’t stand. They start checking every move, questioning every action, reacting instead of listening, not because they want to, but because that’s what’s been modeled as power. It’s the cycle of control, and it repeats quietly in workplaces everywhere.

What this season of chaos reminded me is that true leadership isn’t about control, it’s about calm. It’s about trust, clarity, and humility. It’s knowing when to guide and when to step back. It’s the ability to hold space for problems without becoming one.

And for me, someone who’s walked through grief, loss, and trauma, that lesson hits differently. After everything I’ve lived through, I no longer have the energy to match chaos. My peace costs too much.

So when I find myself in the middle of unnecessary storms, at work or anywhere else, I choose the high road. Not because it’s easy, or because I don’t feel the frustration, but because I’ve learned that my power lives in my composure. That rising above with dignity and calm isn’t weakness, it’s leadership in its purest form.

Maybe that’s what healing does. It changes what we’re willing to fight about. It teaches us that matching someone else’s energy isn’t the goal, elevating the space we’re in is.

So if you’ve been through your own version of a “workplace whirlwind” lately, maybe this is your reminder too: pay attention to what you’re mirroring. Don’t let someone else’s lack of grace pull you out of yours.

Because the truth is, even in the middle of the mess, we always have a choice, to match the chaos or to become the calm.