The Text I Never Thought I'd Have to Send
- Apr 29
- 2 min read
This episode almost did not happen. I recorded it four times. Redid my hair. Set up the lights. Tried to find the right way to package something that did not want to be packaged.
Every version ended up deleted.
Version five is what you are listening to now. Pajamas. No makeup. No lighting. Just the truth.
At almost 46 years old, I texted my mom to ask her to cover rent.
In this episode I walk through what the weeks leading up to that moment actually looked like. The delivery apps. The things sold around the apartment. The savings account emptied out. The back injury from Instacart. Surviving February and then watching March arrive with less energy and the same impossible math.
I also get into the part that does not get talked about enough. What it feels like to be in your 40s, 50s, or 60s and still be in the middle of it. The pressure to be "set" by now. The shame that comes when life keeps showing up regardless of what you have already survived. Two divorces. The loss of my son Jovan. A job. And now this.
And through all of it, the question I keep sitting with. Is being strong about never running out, or is it about being honest when you have?
This episode is for the people who are still standing but barely breathing.
WHAT IS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:
What surviving a hard month really looks like when you refuse to ask for help
The specific shame of needing support at an age you thought you would be past it
Why the pressure to be "set" by 40 is a lie built on circumstances that no longer exist
The difference between performing stability and actually finding it
What help actually looks like when it is not financial
A personal thank you to the parents who never made me feel small for needing them
Listen to Episode 3 of Purpose, Not Pity wherever you get your podcasts.
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